PURVEYOR OF FINE WORDS

February 26 2002

Shocked

I no longer consider CNN a credible news organization. Today’s front page headline reads: Many Muslims polled think unfavorably of U.S. This headline cements the notion that the media has becoming nothing more than a warmongering spokesperson intended for the nation’s uneducated.

In one of his rare moments of clarity, Dubya cleary stated that we are not against Islam. Yet this headline charges right back and pits the American people against Muslims, accusing this religious group of sweeping bigotry. Only when you read into the article do you find that the poll focused on Muslim nations. Nevermind that there are “Many Catholics” and “Many Christians” who also think unfavorably of the US, the editors at CNN felt the need to once again single out the people of Islam and treat them like shit. If anything, CNN should be trying to mediate between Islam and Americans by educating and finding common ground. By my guess though, doing the right thing probably wouldn’t bring in good ratings so CNN conducted this poll to keep things controversial.

You’re a real winner, CNN.

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February 26 2002

Buena Vista

Outstanding! Omara Portuondo of the Buena Vista Social Club is performing at the Masonic on April 5th. Herbie and Wynton will be back as well.

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February 25 2002

Chinese New Year

I’ve posted my pictures from the Chinese New Year Parade in San Francisco.

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February 22 2002

Lake Tahoe

I spent most of last week in Lake Tahoe, boarding away at Heavenly and Kirkwood. The snow was great, and most of the weather was good except for the rain on Tuesday. The crowds, however, were not great—I didn’t even bother going on the Sunday before President’s Day because the parking lot was full by 9am.

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February 21 2002

Glutton Bowl

Forgive me, but I just finished watching the Glutton Bowl on Fox. And I thought it was some of the best TV I’ve seen in a while.

Call me an uneducated goon or backwater neanderthal, but I laughed all the way through the 2-hour marathon eating competition of assorted foods including brains, beef tongue, and rocky mountain oysters. Not only was the spectacle of grown men (and women) ramming food down their throats amusing, but the tongue-in-cheek commentary was worth watching by itself.

The highlight was watching 130-pound Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi in awe as he absolutely demolished his 300 and 400+ pound opponents in the preliminary hot dog, and final cow brain eating segments. Takeru was able to put down twice the number of hot dogs, and almost three times the number of cow brains as the next opponent—a seemingly impossible task for someone as small as Kabayashi. Of course Japanese game shows make our shows like The Chamber look like Nickelodeon shows, so maybe it’s not that surprising that the dominant competitor in the Glutton Bowl was from Japan.

2 editorials

February 14 2002

Valentine’s Day

Yet another Valentine’s Day has come upon us, when millions of usually level-headed blokes eschew normal reasoning and set forth to purchase Random Valentine’s Day Trinkets. Although the origin of Valentine’s Day is often hotly debated at local feminist group meetings, the rest of us know that it is the result of powerful congressional lobbyists employed by DeBeers, Hershey’s, and American women. Like Woody Allen when he hears the word “Madagascar”, legions of men travel to quickie marts and roadside flowershops to purchase roses, chocholate, red-colored ho-hos, or whatever else Hallmark has deemed the must-have gift of the year.

Of course, this being the new millenium, there are many varying thoughts on Valentine’s Day which we all must give equal representation since none of us want to be accused of discrimination. Thankfully, these thoughts can be conveniently split into 3 simple categories:

Men: During any other time of the year, we have no idea what to do with any of the these overpriced items—except for the ho-hos. However, what we do know is that on Valentine’s Day the planets align in some complex heart-shaped constellation that enables us to exchange these pre-ordained offerings for sex. It is this fact alone that gives florists the audacity to inflate prices beyond all reasonable limits because the planetary alignment prohibits guys from thinking within reasonable limits.

Non-single Women: These women are the ones who stand beside the lobbying groups in Washington, demanding more funding towards Valentine’s Day promotion. Any woman who says she doesn’t really care for Valentine’s Day is part of this group. They know the immense power they hold over their partner on this day, and will make outrageous demands without fear of reprisal because we men are held captive by the sheer magnetic force of DeBeers commercials.

Single Women: They are the most volatile of the 3 groups. These women will also say that they don’t care about Valentine’s Day, but also include other bits of vitriol, i.e. “Valentine’s Day sucks!”, or “I totally wouldn’t make my boyfriend do anything special, er, if I had one! *sob* *sob* *sob*”. Normally both type of women are united against men, but on this special day single women despise non-single women by going out in a big group and trying to laugh at non-single women who are busy controlling their boyfriends. However, what usually happens is that they end up commiserating about how lame they all feel and vow to help each other find a man.

Personally, I really do like the red ho-hos. What’s your take? Leave your comments in my comment box.

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February 14 2002

The Enron of Food

Ah, Enron style pork-barrel politics pervades even the surgeon general’s office. I guess this sheds some light on why Marion Nestle actually believes that people are have no free will against advertising.

However, the impact of the food industry lobbying pales in comparison to…Extreme Ironing!

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February 14 2002

Good stuff

Under what circumstances would you shoot your brother? How about trying to win an argument over a Nintendo game? Yup, I think I’ll scratch Georgia off of my places to visit.

Has your telephone company ever penalized you for being an arrogant bastard?

Maybe it’s just because you have a speech impediment from using sippy cups too long while you were a kid.

On a more serious note, I think Arafat has really lost it.

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February 13 2002

Me

As much as I like to barrel down the slopes as fast as I can, I also like doing absolutely nothing. When the the sun shines in my room and casts a lazy beam of warm sunlight across my bed, I take to it like a cat that’s been stuck in a dark basement for days. I sprawl across the bed, knocking off whatever assorted junk is on top, and take a deep breath, gradually oozing into a mid-day nap.

I like daydreaming about what I want to be doing when I’m forty; fantasizing about life as an actor. I can lie on my floor and stare through my glass desk at the bottom of the various pieces of electronics on top: the monitor, the stereo, the box of wheat thins. Did you know that the bottom of my monitor stand looks like a sliced pizza with 5 black olives on it? Well, if you daydreamed with me, you’d know. If I were an actor, I’d follow the path of Russell Crowe—establish yourself as a bad ass, then move on to portraying a mentally challenged individual. That way you avoid being typecast while simultaneously increasing your chances of getting nominated for an oscar.

I like staring at things like my ridiculously miniscule cell phone, and marveling at how cool technology really is. I mean, this thing the size of a Snickers bar allows me to talk to anyone around the world! Does anyone else wonder about these things too?

I like flipping through my old Wired magazines and reading the future predictions and Dell ads while listening to the constantant thumping of the Mexican music pumping from the floor below me. Did you know that the base line of a lot of Mexican music is a great background for yodeling?

Yeah, most people probably would call me a freak, but I truly believe that doing nothing is a lost art. I’m not talking about watching football and using your gut as a beer holder—that’s just lethargy. I mean, just taking life in one small moment at a time. People today are just far too pre-occupied with keeping a schedule: a meeting here, party there, drinks at 6, dinner at 6:30. Life really does pass you by if you don’t pay attention to it.

Do I just have too much time on my hands, or am I living the true American dream?

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February 12 2002

Happy new year!

Happy new year, everybody!

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