PURVEYOR OF FINE WORDS
April 27, 2002
April 27 2002
Back from Creole country
I got back from New Orleans yesterday after exhibiting at the CardTech show this week. Sadly, I found New Orleans to be quite lackluster because there wasn’t much to do outside of bars and strip joints. It’s not that I don’t like those things, but it wasn’t Mardi Gras so I wanted to be more tourist-y instead of fratboy-y.
What really put me off was the local cuisine and it’s limited repertoire of crawfish, shrimp, oysters, catfish, and fat. Take those 5 ingredients, mix and match them into 6 combinations and you will have the menu for about 90% of the restaurants in New Orleans. Sure, they catch their own seafood and serve it fresh, but everything is deep-fried in lard anyway so it doesn’t matter whether or not the seafood is fresh or not. Seriously, fat-free foods do not exist in any form. The real clincher though, was that the one chinese restaurant we ate at also succumbed to this local vortex of fat-laden cuisine. The only fish they served was fried catfish, and their selection of “chinese vegetables” consisted of peas and carrots. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a chinese restaurant that had to alter their menus (most chinese places use the same exact menu). The funny thing is, the people of New Orleans seem to be proud of the fact that they have the highest rate of arteriosclerosis, citing logic such as, “I know I’ll die a happy man!”
Nonetheless, it is a very laid-back atmosphere and the people are genuinely friendly. The Louis Armstrong Airport pipes classic Louis Armstrong tunes over the speakers, and convenience store clerks actually acknowledge your presence and smile quite a bit—certainly a foreign concept to us yankees.
April 19, 2002
April 19 2002
Awesome!
In a vain attempt to get more people to email me, I sent out this change of email announcement:
Hello everyone,
Due to the end of Yahoo!’s free POP email, I have changed my address to:
egö@johnvey.com
In celebration of this momentous occasion, I would also encourage you to take this opportunity and tell me how awesome I am by sending a message to my newly created ego.
If you believe you are receiving this message in error, please accept my apology and pass this message along to someone else who would like the opportunity to tell me how awesome I am.
Thank you. That is all.
The responses I received were not as snide as I had expected them to be. I’m a little disappointed in my friends.
You suck, dude.
You are the coolest, most techno savvy, demi-god on the face of the
earth. A cut above of of the rest, a leader of the pack, a man amongst
boys… Hope this is sufficient.
You are a complete dork.
I love you and I want to have your baby.
You are truly an awesome scum bag ;-)
“you’re awesome.” (did that sound stitlted? coerced? cuz it was)
Congratulations on this momentous occasion, you are AWSOME!
April 15, 2002
April 15 2002
Exodus
I was at Exodus a couple days ago to take care of some business for my “downsized” dot-com, and found that the data center was nothing but a bare cavern of empty racks. I remember back in 2000, the place was packed from floor to ceiling with ungodly amounts of Sun enterprise servers, BigIP-F5s, and refrigerator-sized Cisco switches. Now the cages are empty, only with an occasional rack holding a hodge-podge of home-built generic systems, or some converted Dell desktops—and that was only the first floor. The second floor was so empty that there were probably more Exodus owned servers and routers than actual customer equipment. I also remember that there used to be a security guard who sat in the stairwell all day, just to keep an eye on things. Didn’t see the guard or even a chair this time through. It was a sad, sad sight.
April 15 2002
Jehovah!
I had my first Jehovah’s Witness visit me the other day! I was really tempted to take a picture of the guy, but he seemed very nervous and wasn’t making a coherent argument so I decided against it. He started off with a question about all the violence in the Mideast, and told me the root cause was Satan. At that point, all I was seeing in my mind was my friend Leo, going “Satan! Satan! That will be your ultimate demise, Johnvey!” Yeah, Leo’s quite demented.
April 10, 2002
April 10 2002
How to be a successful American
Since we have entered the new millenium, many ideals and values in our society have changed dramatically. Therefore, it is prudent that we also change the definition of the American dream. Here are 3 easy steps that will help you realize The Good Life®:
Step 1. Lead your daily life as though you are entitled to everything that you can touch, smell, hear, and/or see.
Examples include:
Feeling entitled to use the left lane to verify that your cruise control does indeed work when set at 55 and below.
Feeling entitled to bitch at the store manager when the one clerk at the counter is juggling 5 other entitled shoppers, and is too busy to look up when the next shipment of Fat Zapper 2000 is due.
Feeling entitled to blame the world’s problems on people that look different than you while not having any clue as to who they are, what they’ve done, and whether or not ‘oriental’ is an actual race.
2. If you feel you did not receive what was entitled to you, or your life has somehow become fucked up, sue somebody.
Remember, you are never responsible for any of your actions. Use this easy option list:
Sue the person who was closest to you when it happened, preferably not a close relative.
If that’s not applicable, sue the establishment or owner of the land you were in for not preventing you from doing stupid things.
If they weasel out of it, sue the manufacturer of the product that you were directly or indirectly using for not building a fail-safe into their product when you do stupid things.
If the manufacturer gets itself off the hook because they put a disclaimer on the box, sue the government safety oversight committee that governs either the location you were at, or the product you were using. Since you pay taxes, the government is held accountable for you being a dumbass.
3. Consume as much as possible.
There’s a reason why fast food chains now have “biggie size” and “super-size” portions: there is a global glut of food, so somebody has to eat it. Besides, as per rule #1, you are entitled to more food than you can eat. Just go ahead throw away what you don’t need.
You also should drive the largest vehicle that is available to you. Although most roads are paved, there is compelling data from the USGS that acid rain will deteriorate our roads to dirt-road conditions within the next 200 years. Therefore, purchasing a vehicle that is grossly oversized will ensure that you will be prepared for the acid rain effects.
If you diligently follow these steps, I guarantee that you will soon be a model of success to all of your friends and family!
April 8, 2002
April 8 2002
Crisis
There is a very simple solution to the mideast crisis: hand control of Jerusalem over to the international community. It is clear that both sides are not willing to compromise, and their intent has degenerated into a drive to obliterate the other side. Israel and Palestine are acting like bickering children and so we should treat them as such. This solution should sound familiar, as parents and teachers have used this tactic for as long as I can remember: if two children can’t learn to share, then nobody gets it. Actually, both sides did agree to a similiar accord back in 1947, but then the neighboring states got involved and messed it all up. Of course, it will work this time because Dubya has put his foot down and said, “C’mon guys! I really mean it! Guys!?”
April 7, 2002
April 7 2002
I give up
Americans are now making up lawsuits as they go along. In Escondido, CA, a man is suing the city on the basis that a cat, which attacked his dog, did so as a hate crime. He claims the $1.5 million lawsuit is not about the money but, “hopes it will educate the public about the legal rights of people with ‘hidden disabilities.’”
April 4, 2002
April 4 2002
Thank you, nurses!
Do you like getting grossed out? Why not read about what goes on in a real ER? I definitely give nurses a lot of respect for being able to handle this kind of stuff.
April 4 2002
Sprint PCS sucks
Sprint PCS sucks. I canceled my account, but was billed for another month because they lied. Here’s what happened:
February 26th, 2002:
Since my billing cycle started on the 26th, I figured it would make things easy to cancel my account on this date and avoid any dumb billing cycle loopholes they might employ. The nice gentleman who processed my cancellation was courteous, and offered 1 month of free service so that I may continue to have my voicemail and give out my new number to anyone who happened to call. I asked if there was anything to be done after the 1 month period, and he assured me that if I didn’t call and explicitly re-instate the service, my account would be closed without further billing.
March 4th, 2002:
I received a bill for $1.03, which consisted of taxes charged against my “free” bill. Not a big deal, but it just goes to show that nothing is for free.
April 4th, 2002:
My phone still works, and I receive another bill for the full monthly amount. I call up customer service, and a friendly woman picks up. I explain to her that my service was supposed to be shut off at the end of March, and this new bill must be an error.
She replies, “there is no error because we have no record of you wanting to cancel your account”. She continues by saying that the “1 month free” offer is given only as an incentive to customers who are thinking about switching to a different carrier. Additionally, it is not their “policy” to offer that simply as a convenience to the user (for voicemail, etc.).
I say, “well I agreed to the one month free because I was told that the service would be terminated and the end of the month, and no further actions needed to be taken.”
She replies, “I can only go by what I have in the system, and it shows no record of you canceling.”
Great. I guess I have no recourse against the oracle, a.k.a. the “database”. So I say, “Fine, then can you just cancel the account immediately, without any clauses or stipulations or other doodads?”
She replies, “Sure, but you’ll still have to pay the full amount due because when we bill, we bill to the end of the cycle.”
I say, “But you pro-rated the bill and my allotted minutes when I initially signed up halfway through your billing cycle…”
She cuts me off and says, “That’s because we always bill to the next cycle. It’s stated in the terms of service.”
So now I’m out $75 because the Sprint reps are running a scam, and you can’t prove any bit of it. Fuckers.
Reading
- Boingboing
- Dooce
- Engadget
- Gawker
- Gizmodo
- InstaPundit
- Kottke
- Memepool
- Ricebowljournals
- Themorningnews
- Wonkette
Viewing
Linking
Roger Ebert talks about how to read a movie.
This all began for me in about 1969, when I started teaching a film class in the University of Chicago's Fine Arts program. I knew a Chicago film critic, teacher and booker named John West, who lived in a wondrous apartment filled with film prints, projectors, books, posters and stills. "You know how football coaches use a stop-action 16mm projector to study game films?" he asked me. "You can use that approach to study films. Just pause the film and think about what you see. You ought to try it with your film class."
I did. The results were beyond my imagination. I wasn't the teacher and my students weren't the audience, we were all in this together. The ground rules: Anybody could call out "stop!" and discuss what we were looking at, or whatever had just occurred to them.
This article also contains the most information-rich paragraph I've ever read online...it's like an entire film class in 12 lines. Fascinating stuff. One of the points is that, generally, the right side of the screen is more positive. In a later comment, Ebert adds:
In all the years with Siskel and on all the incarnations of the show, I always quietly made sure I was seated on the right. When Roeper came aboard, the producers insisted I "belonged" in "Gene's seat." Sentiment won over visual strategy. Did I really think it made a difference? Yes, I really did.
Also, he should do this online...post film stills and let people leave comments, discuss, etc.
(link)A list of fifty great arts video available on YouTube, including Joy Division playing on Granada Television in 1978, Jack Kerouac reads On the Road in 1959, and Jackson Pollock making one of his drip paintings in 1951.
(link)Jonah Lerher on daydreaming and the human brain's default network. Creativity, especially with regard to children, might be stifled by too little daydreaming and too much television.
After monitoring the daily schedule of the children for several months, Belton came to the conclusion that their lack of imagination was, at least in part, caused by the absence of "empty time," or periods without any activity or sensory stimulation. She noticed that as soon as these children got even a little bit bored, they simply turned on the television: the moving images kept their minds occupied. "It was a very automatic reaction," she says. "Television was what they did when they didn't know what else to do."
The problem with this habit, Belton says, is that it kept the kids from daydreaming. Because the children were rarely bored -- at least, when a television was nearby -- they never learned how to use their own imagination as a form of entertainment. "The capacity to daydream enables a person to fill empty time with an enjoyable activity that can be carried on anywhere," Belton says. "But that's a skill that requires real practice. Too many kids never get the practice."
But television isn't the default network that Lehrer is referring to:
Every time we slip effortlessly into a daydream, a distinct pattern of brain areas is activated, which is known as the default network. Studies show that this network is most engaged when people are performing tasks that require little conscious attention, such as routine driving on the highway or reading a tedious text. Although such mental trances are often seen as a sign of lethargy -- we are staring haplessly into space -- the cortex is actually very active during this default state, as numerous brain regions interact. Instead of responding to the outside world, the brain starts to contemplate its internal landscape. This is when new and creative connections are made between seemingly unrelated ideas.
(link)If you've spent any time at all walking around Manhattan, you've likely run across Joe Ades, the English gent hawking vegetable peelers at the top of his lungs on a bit of sidewalk. An occasional part of his current routine is a laminated copy of a profile of him that Vanity Fair published in May 2006. No surprise: Ades is a character.
(link)Mayhew and the patterers might have been surprised at just how far Joe has taken this gent thing. At the end of each day he returns with his gear to a commodious three-bedroom apartment on Park Avenue, the home that he shares with his present wife, Estelle. (In spite of the polished ways of the patterers, their typical abode was the "vagrant hovel.") Then it's out again for an early dinner in a style unheard of in London Labour. Six nights a week, accompanied by Estelle, he hits some of the biggest-name restaurants in town-Elio's, Jean Georges, Milos, Centolire. He never has trouble getting a table. In the soft light his hands glow pink from the half-hour hot-water-and-nailbrush treatment he performs as part of his evening toilette.
I love the linear version of the Word Clock. Completely impractical but lovely.
(link)Who would have thought ten years ago that Hollywood's biggest action stars would be Tobey Mcguire (Spider-Man), Matt Damon (Bourne), Elijah Wood (LoTR), Christian Bale (Batman), Johnny Depp (Pirates), and maybe even Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)? No Stallones, Schwarzeneggers, or Van Dammes in that group.
(link)William Drenttel opines on the all-white-male jury of an Adbusters design competition:
Nearly a decade into a new century, I believe it is unacceptable for a design organization, foundation, board of directors, magazine or other enterprise, to mount an initiative with an all male panel of judges -- or, put another way, "white, native English-speaking men from the U.S., British Isles or Australia." Such behavior is no longer acceptable and should not be tolerated by a community of designers (or any other community). Designers around the world should just say no.
(link)COLOURlovers, the site that takes inspiration from colors in the real world to make design palettes, today has a collection of palettes inspired by some wickedly vibrant bruises.
(link)-
The Star Wars empire has grown into one of the most fertile incubators of talent in the worlds of movies (Lucasfilm), visual effects (Industrial Light & Magic), sound (Skywalker Sound), and video games (LucasArts). Along the way, some of the original Lucas crew has gone on to become his biggest competitors.
The Flash interface is really annoying and not useful...the whole image is a better way to look at it. Very Mark Lombardi. (via vc)
(link) 
Name: The Great Wall of China
Date of construction: 6th century B.C. through 16th century
Built to keep out: Invaders from the north
Status: Tourist attraction and UNESCO World Heritage Site
Little known fact: You actually can't see it from space.
Name: The Green Wall of China
Date of construction: 2002 through ~2050
Built to keep out: The Gobi Desert
Status: Mixed
Little known fact: Prior to the Wall's erection, the Gobi was advancing south at 3 km per year.
Name: The Great Firewall of China
Date of construction: 2002 (and even earlier) to present
Built to keep out: Ideas
Status: Trivial to circumvent but still annoying
Little known fact: Google, Yahoo, AOL, Microsoft, Skype, and MySpace all self-censor their services for use in China.Great Wall photo by mooney47.
I could read about con men and tricksters all day.
"I could sell shit at an anti-scat party," he says, "you have to figure out someone's wants and needs and convince them what you have will fill their emotional void." A con man is essentially a salesman -- a remarkably good one -- who excels at making people feel special and understood. A con man validates the victim's desire to believe he has an edge on other people.
It requires avid study of psychology and body language. It's an amazing paradox--a con man has incredible emotional insight, but without the burden of compassion. He must take an intense interest in other people, complete strangers, and work to understand them, yet remain detached and uninvested. That the plan is to cheat these people and ultimately confirm many of their fears cannot be of concern.
The particular fellow profiled in that piece has also written a book called How to Cheat at Everything.
(link)
Links provided by kottke.org.
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