POSTS FROM 2004

Irrefutable proof that our favorite malevolent dictator was once a cologne ad model. Saddam, as he was circa 1967. So, this begs the question: did the Kurds really find him in a “hidey-hole”, or was he just kicking it with his bitches? Compare his glamour shot with his capture photo.

This is an ad from 1967 for Centaur cologne, “half man, half beast, all male!”. Man, the don't make ads like they used to.

By now, I'm sure most of you have a Gmail account (if not, I have a ton left, so just ask no more left.) One thing that is missing is a system tray mail notifier, so I took it upon myself to write one. I developed an extensible API in .NET, and built the mail notifier app on top of it. I've also included an address book importer. Download the source and binaries for the Gmail Agent API and tools now.

Update: I've started a Google Groups to handle any discussions about Gmail Agent. Please try to use this instead of the blog comments.

A hallmark of a successfully hip coffee shop is a cadre of disinterested wait staff, ready to take your order without any bit of enthusiasm. Such was the case today at Canvas Gallery, a great coffee shop with a full service bar right next to Golden Gate, when the cashier was ringing me up with such apathy that it was clear she would have rather been shoveling shit into a barrel. One can only assume that Canvas does not actively recruit service zombies; rather, a side effect of its hip cachet is attracting the flair-impaired. Actually, “zombies” isn't an accurate description, really. The staff seem to be well aware that they are working and need to complete transactions with customers, yet maintain a constant air of finely-honed detachment that allows them to be too cool for this gig. I think I should apply for a job there.

One of the more onerous duties of being a web architect is answering the ubiquitous small talk lead-in, “So, what do you do?”

To the unacquainted, it may appear to be an easy and straightforward question, equal in simplicity to questions like, "how are you?", or, "did you happen to see a small monkey in a tutu come by this way?", when in fact supplying an adequate response is a Byzantine process that depends upon the following criteria:

1. Do you actually know what web architecture is?
2. Are you really just wasting time until the one person you know at this party shows up so you can say "hi" and leave?
3. Does this person that you're talking to give a crap?
4. Are you trying to get into this person's pants?
5. Could this person tell you the difference between AOL and the Internet?

In most cases, a "yes" to two or more of these questions leads you to assume that you are dealing with a technologically competent individual, and you, confident in your assertion that a short job description would suffice, proffer the following.

“I'm a website architect” — the addition of “-site” eased into your job title, just in case the inquirer is susceptible to thoughts of you being some kind of bioengineer who is trying to recreate spiderwebs.

The response comes back to you like a post-garlic-festival belch, “Oh, you make web pages!”, a response that sweeps the very foundation of hierarchical superiority out from under you and lays you down flat next to the guy who advertises web design services on Craigslist and openly admits he works exclusively in FrontPage.

Telling a web architect that he makes web pages is akin to describing a neurosurgeon as one who shaves people's heads, a tax accountant who does math well, a trial lawyer who knows how to use Lexis-Nexis — all true, but completely missing the crux of what the profession is about.

“Well,” you say, with the appropriately sympathetic but hubristic intonation, “I lay out the plan for the entire site, how people move through it, what to call everything, where to put things on each page, etc., etc.”

“Oh, so it's more like project management?” is the next attempt at summarizing your job, which is now tangentially moving away from your explanation. At this point, you determine that continuing any further discussion about contingency design, controlled vocabularies, and n-tier acrhitectures would be unproductive.

“Yeah, pretty much,” you concede.

And for the remainder of the day, you simply answer, “Yes. Yes, I do make web pages. Have you ever been whitehouse.com?”